Grandad's Lap

another poem from years gone by that touches on the substance of part of our discussion in Weds night Bible Study.

Grandad’s Lap

one of the best memories

that i hold

is as a three year old

climbing up on Grandad’s lap

while he sat in the rocking chair

he’d wrap me up

in my favorite beach towel –

the pink one with the seahorses on it –

and we’d rock

i don’t remember

whether we talked or not -

it really isn’t important

what i do remember

is the security and love

and well being with the world

i felt

as i sat there

with my Grandad

and we rocked

even now

it’s that picture in my mind

sustaining me

as i bring my hurts

as well as my joys

to You

and climb up on Your lap

and from that perspective

learn what real security

and love are

© 1978 kathy jo schramm

The Pruning Time

Discussion at our weekly women's Bible Study reminded me of something I wrote several years ago.  I decided it might be worthwhile to share it here.

the pruning time

there are times

when i feel

i have to work so hard

and grow so much more

than others

just to be me

i am tempted to rebell

and say it's unfair

and then i remember

You are working

towards perfection

with me

You are working

    not for the moment

    or for the day

  but for eternity

this is

one of those times

there are also times

when i feel i have grown

  so much

and You make me realize

if i am going

to look back to

where i've come from

i must also look forward to

where i am going

and who i am called to be

i get so discouraged

because it looks so far away

so impossible

out of my reach

then You remind me

that the only reason

i've come so far

is also the only reason

i can go on....You

this is

one of those times

i've made

a commitment to grow

and You are showing me

that for healthy growth

there's a need for pruning

it's necessary

to cut back

the places where

scars have formed over wounds

in order for a full blossoming to come

i know You would

have me fall short in nothing

through You

and i thank You

for this time of pruning

@1978  kathy jo schramm

Five Minute Friday - Real

Flawed, humbled, joyful, frustrated, interrupted three times in six words - that is the texture of my life these days - and also unpretentious, authentic, impacting.  Motherhood is the most real life experience I have known, amid a wide variety of life experiences.  Even marriage has not taken me to the deep places within that motherhood has.  I have found and seen some not so nice places within me that I never knew existed, but I have also found a depth of joy, compassion, contentment that I had never known either.  Even on the worst days - there is no where else I would rather be ... (interrupted again as my daughter plays cymbals on my arms..)

Natalie's Walk of Hope

I had the joy and privilege of participating in Natalie's Walk of Hope this past Saturday.  It was a fundraiser to help Natalie's family with her medical expenses. Natalie and her twin brother, Evan will turn two this week.  Two months ago Natalie Osborn was diagnosed with tumor wrapped around her brain stem.  The tumor was successfully removed and she began her 3rd week of radiation treatment this week. Her recovery has been filled with challenges of many types. The Walk was a fundraiser to help with the enormous costs involved in Natalie's care and treatment, but it was so much more than that.
I have been hard pressed to understand, let alone articulate well, why I have felt so compelled to come alongside Natalie's family in this journey on which they find themselves. I know the family through Natalie's aunt, my friend, Tracy.  I had never met Natalie or her parents, Sarah and Brian, before Natalie's Walk, yet I have felt so connected to them through Brian's tweets (Twitter) and Sarah's online journal at CaringBridge.org .  The Walk included refection points along the way with scripture and prayers taken from Sarah's journal, all well marked and a poignant reminder of why we were there - a journey much longer than our symbolic two mile trek.
It was a joyful sight to see Natalie and Evan and their cousins playing and enjoying a beautiful Colorado morning at a local park.  Strangers would never have known to look at Natalie what she has been through and continues to battle through. She seemed to simply and deeply enjoy being with her brother and her cousins and feeling the sun on her face.
I expected to be an outsider of sorts at Natalie's Walk of Hope.  I imagined a close knit group of family and friends, and friends of theirs, gathering together to visibly show support of the Osborns and rally around them and give their time, support and whatever donations they brought.  I busied myself taking photos, as I often do, and tried to blend into the activity.  As I had opportunity to visit with other people I was so surprised to learn that all were not close friends of Sarah and Brian's.  The women who organized The Walk were part of a Bible Study that Sarah sometimes attends.  Sarah and the sister of one of them are in MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) together.
One woman that I visited a long time with only learned about The Walk three days prior, when she attended a Bible Study for the first time.  She too felt compelled to be there. She told me about her cousin, who was diagnosed with a tumor similar to Natalie's when he was seven years old.  She shared his struggles to re-learn normal activities again.  She said he is now 24 and his parents are still paying on his hospital bills. She understands all too well the financial challenges that accompany providing medical care for a child with a life threatening disease.
I tried to find another woman who had organized a wristband fundraiser for Natalie, but no one I asked knew who she was or if she had even come to The Walk.  I knew she planned to come.  We had been sharing fundraising ideas via e-mail and I just wanted to put a face to a name.  It wasn't until later in the day, when she tagged one of my photos of The Walk on Facebook, that I knew she had been there.
Clearly there were close friends and family there, but it was also clear that even Sarah and Brian did not know everyone.  There was a greater call for people to come and be part than just friendship or family ties, at least earthly family ties.
I came to feel a deeper sense of purpose and belonging than I anticipated with these 85 or so people on The Walk and the others they represented.  I got a glimpse in a new and different way of God orchestrating His people, His family, to come together, not just on this day, on this Walk, but on the journey that Natalie and her family are on. For me, it became a Walk of Hope, not only for Natalie, and her family, but for me, and for the family of God.  In a world that seems focused on differences, grudges, unforgiveness, and revenge, it refreshed my soul, revived my spirit and breathed hope into my life about what can be done when we listen to God and obey, even when we don't understand - maybe especially when we don't understand.

Because of Natalie

For the past several days my heart has been gripped with Natalie Osborn and her story.  I have not yet met Natalie, but I know her through her aunt, Tracy.  Tracy and I are friends. We met through a MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) group to which we both belong. 

Natalie is 22 months old.  On July 21st an MRI revealed a tumor on her brain, wrapped around the brain stem. Last Wednesday, July 27th, surgeons successfully removed the tumor. Natalie remains in ICU, where her parents, Brian and Sarah, have kept nearly round the clock vigil since the surgery. Brian has been tweeting updates to over 100 family and friends throughout the long days and nights.  People around the country, and maybe around the world, are praying for Natalie's recovery and for her parents, her twin brother, Evan, her grandparents and close family who comprise the support team for Natalie.

Natalie's story touches my deepest fears as well as my deepest pain.  My deepest fear is that of something happening to my daughter, Emma.  Maybe that is normal.  I really don't know.  She is my only child - a miracle in many ways.  I can't imagine life without her.  I know she is a gift from a loving God and I know her life is ultimately in His hands.  We're called to raise her to know Him and trust Him for herself.  I recall a phrase from a book I read recently, "Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body." (Elizabeth Stone) That is so true.  I can empathize deeply with what Brian and Sarah are experiencing.  I cry often as I read Brian's tweets or the online journal entries from them and as I pray for Natalie and for them.  I know they would take Natalie's pain on themselves if they could, just as I would do to spare Emma pain. But they can't do that.  They must watch and pray and hold her and rock her when they can.  And cling to memories and hope for the days that lie ahead.

Natalie's story also touches my deepest pain - the loss of loved ones.  Though I am a person of faith and I truly believe in a glorious life after this one on earth, grief has carved deep places within my soul.  Two months before I turned four and ten days after he turned two, my brother, Vic, died from pneumonia and complications from a fire at our home. I really don't remember everything that I thought and felt, but life was never the same - not for me, or my parents, or for the siblings to follow, who never knew "little Vic".  Two months before Emma was born, my sister's youngest son died, at age 22. It all seemed surreal.  I still have no words to help heal my sister's broken heart.

I continue to pray for Natalie and her family several times a day, though I long ago ran out of anything unique or original to pray.  I ask God for her complete healing and recovery.  How could I ask for anything less?  "You have not because you ask not" (James 4:2). The updates help me pray for the specific needs of the moment. I rejoice at the good reports and cry with the not so good ones.  I am so glad she has a family that not only loves her, but loves God and truly knows Him. It really all comes down our utter dependance on Him.  We are called to pray in faith and we do our best. I find myself vacillating between "without faith it is impossible to please Him..." and "Lord, I believe... help my unbelief." We give however we can to lighten the burden on Sarah and Brian and support them.  I believe there is an Army of prayer warriors of all descriptions surrounding Natalie and them, concentric circles from those closest to Natalie to those who only know of her. But ultimately God is the one who holds Natalie and all our lives in His hands.  He is the Healer, Abba Father ("Papa Daddy", and El Shaddai  (more than enough).

Natalie and her story have helped so many of us regain our perspective about what really matters.  I hug my daughter more often and hold her a little longer whenever I can. Brian was right when he wrote in the online journal  "Stuff is stuff, money is money, work is work, annoyances are not so annoying...."  I thank God for the privilege of prayer.  I still don't really understand why a sovereign God chose to unite Himself to us in prayer, but He does and our prayers matter.  "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5: 16).  So we pray and will continue to pray.  If you have not joined us, will you?  Natalie needs you and you need Natalie.

 http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/nataliebrookeosborn

http://twitter.com/#!/NatalieBrookeOz

When Seasons Change - Five Minute Friday

When seasons change...
at least half the time I am happy about it.
My favorite season is fall.  There is something about the mellowness of it and the beautiful colors - gold, brown, yellow and the diminishing hint of red and green - that calls to me.  I was born in Fall, so maybe that is part of it; it speaks to me of mellow beginnings (and middles and ends...) My next favorite season is Spring - reminders everywhere of new life, rebirth, hope - be it hope for major life changes or just warmer weather and longer days to enjoy the outdoors and each other.
So at least half the time I am happy when seasons change.  The other half of the time I think I am reminded that life is full of seasons within seasons and I get to choose whether I will revel and celebrate or whine and ruminate.  Most of the time I think I choose to revel and celebrate in God's daily goodness to us.

If I knew I could, I would - Five Minute Friday

If I knew I could, I would
- write another book of poetry and not be content with an occasional blog
- talk to strangers more, unconcerned about their perception of me, just focused on them and bringing them a bit of joy
- sign up for a family missions trip to a foreign country (in a few years)
- start a home business, designing and developing Christmas letters for people too busy or too unorganized to do it for themselves
- try my hand at writing worship songs, or at least collaborate with more talented friends to do so
- learn how to digiscrapbook (or whatever they call it, whoever "they" are)
-love more and expect less