If I knew I could, I would - Five Minute Friday

If I knew I could, I would
- write another book of poetry and not be content with an occasional blog
- talk to strangers more, unconcerned about their perception of me, just focused on them and bringing them a bit of joy
- sign up for a family missions trip to a foreign country (in a few years)
- start a home business, designing and developing Christmas letters for people too busy or too unorganized to do it for themselves
- try my hand at writing worship songs, or at least collaborate with more talented friends to do so
- learn how to digiscrapbook (or whatever they call it, whoever "they" are)
-love more and expect less

A Mom's Easter morning musing

I got up early on Easter morning, early for a Sunday that is.  I needed to iron my daughter's Easter dress and put together her Easter basket.  I really didn't mind.  In fact, I enjoyed it.  The house was peaceful and quiet and I felt unhurried to get my tasks done.  I got to savor doing special things for my girl.  My mind wandered to my own Mom and the times I saw her up late sewing or ironing or doing laundry for us.  She worked full-time and did everything related to caring for us, for as long as I was living at home, I think.  I wonder how many things she did that I never even noticed, let alone thanked her for doing.  I am sure there are thousands.  I don't think I was a particularly unappreciative child.  I was probably pretty normal (although I won't put that out for a vote from family...). I just didn't notice and I just didn't think much about it.  I don't expect my daughter, Emma, will notice either.  I think a lot of the things I do just come with the territory of being a Mom, and that is fine with me.  At this point in my life, I am so blessed that I am a Mom, and I am glad to do things to care for Emma and make special memories for her and with her. She probably won't really understand until she is a mother herself. As I pondered all this, my thoughts turned to His Mom.  She was so young and endured so much, watching His life and ministry unfold.  I wonder if she learned early to hold Him loosely, but how could she.  He was her son, her flesh and blood.  I wonder if she could even imagine Easter morning when she was in the midst of Good Friday.  Makes any of my sacrifices pale in comparison.

The Hard Love - Five Minute Friday

(Ok - it's Saturday, but I just didn't want to miss out)
The Hard Love
Any real love has its hard moments
- when you care enough about the other person to risk the relationship for the sake of honesty and what is best for the other person
- when you love enough to let go and leave the one you love in His nail scarred hands and trust Him to take care of your bruised or broken heart
- when your limited ability to love reveals your utter brokenness and absolute need for Him, His wisdom, His grace
- when you finally realize or realize again His gift and His love are what give any significance to your life and your ability to love

Of Bad Mommy Days

My only child, a daughter, is two years and nearly five months old, and I know I have had my share of bad mommy days in her short little life.  Some of those were just bad days for mommy and some were days mommy was just bad, not the mother I envisioned becoming for so many, many years.  We survived a rocky start with breastfeeding.  We breastfed for 14 months and have a wonderfully healthy girl.  We survived all the immunizations (harder on Mom than Emma, I think).  We survived numerous transitions and challenges all along the way.  These days we are in the process (emphasis on "process") of potty training. To be honest, I was totally unprepared for how hard it would be for me and how long it would last.  Emma has moved through every other transition (move to crib from bassinet, giving up the binky, cross country move...) with such ease that I mistakenly thought she would master the whole potty training thing in two or three months.  The unpredictability, the setbacks, the accidents have undone me on more than one occasion.  I have joked that potty training has certainly brought out the "poop" in me.  I am not joking anymore.  I have had to face some ugly things in me - control issues, unrealistic expectations, frustration that becomes anger, inability or unwillingness to control my tongue- all things that transcend my precious daughter and potty training.  This just happens to be what revealed the depth of these things lurking in me.  I say it has been my undoing, but I am learning to view it all differently.  I think perhaps it will be my salvation, at least as a mommy an hopefully as a woman.  Seeing these things has humbled me and drawn me to my knees, seeking God's forgiveness, strength and wisdom and asking Him to stay after me, to refine me, to mold and shape me, not only into the mommy I want to be for Emma, but into the woman He designed me to be from the beginning.  I guess it is about time, huh?

If You Met Me - Five Minute Friday

If you met me -
you might not be able to guess my age, especially if my daughter were with me, or you might think she was my granddaughter
if you met me
you might think that I am quiet and reserved, until you got to know me better, then you might forget you ever thought I was quiet and reserved
if you met me, depending on the setting, you might learn I can be witty and funny
if you met me, I would hope you found me authentic, "the real deal"
if you met me, you might sense that I love meaningful conversation, and do "small talk" mostly in hopes that it will lead to meaningful conversation...if you met me
we could finish this conversation

My Favorite Things - Five Minute Friday

Hmm, my favorite things -
These days most have to do with my two year old daughter:
her deep blue eyes and long dark eyelashes
listening to her conversations with her animals on the monitor - "are you listening to me?" (where did she hear that?...)
watching her skip through our yard with reckless abandon
quiet songs together in the rocking chair
rowdy songs together as we run errands in the car
her hugs and completely unprompted "I love you, Mommy!"
"can I rub your back?'
some others:
the quiet of the early morning and the late night
Colorado mountain views
friends, always and forever friends
fresh decaf auto brewing when I come out of the shower
and time again to write about my favorite things